As Time Goes By....

Wow!!! Caiden turned a month old yesterday! I can't believe so much time has already passed. I have learned a lot during this last month...

- It's hard to blog when you have a baby on your boob.
- It's impossible to blog when you have a baby on your boob and a two year old on your lap.
- Babies are pretty much lumps for the first couple of months. Really floppy lumps. But cute floppy lumps!
- I had no idea I could love my two boys with such an intensity. They are so awesome!
- I have some pretty amazing friends and family.
- I forgot how much babies poop. And I look at mustard a little bit differently now.
- Sleeping with your baby is the only way you can be a nursing mommy and still get sleep.
- It takes two and a half hours to clean the house from top to bottom, and three point two minutes for Corgan to destroy it.
- Breast infections hurt. Bad.
- Working out after only three weeks of recovery is just plain stupid.

and last but not least... I learned that I CAN DO IT!!! I can be a mommy of two and survive with my sanity! Or at least most of it.

Ummm... Little Help?

Hey Mom. I'm kinda stuck. Do ya think you could flip me over? Please?

 

Boggy

Corgan has a special friend. His name is Boggy. Boggy was a gift from his Auntie Cilla in California. He LOVES Boggy! Boggy is a MUST HAVE for nap time and bed time. If he does not have this particular stuffed animal, sleep is NOT going to happen. That just shows how much Boggy means to him. And these pictures show just how much he loves his baby brother...

Isn't that sweet?!

Nana Quilt

Isn't this the sweetest quilt? Caiden's Nana Hayes made it special just for him. Isn't she super talented?!

 

 

And I thought ONE was hard?!

Sheesh! I've been trying to post for about a week now, and every single time I sit down, Caiden decides he hasn't eaten for about thirty minutes and is going to die of starvation, Corgan runs around like a mad man or Travis needs the computer.

Right now, Corgan is getting a bath and Caiden is asleep in his carseat, so all is quiet. For a minute.

Things are going pretty well. It is definitely a juggling act! Mornings are hardest. Caiden wakes up about 7:30 to eat and poop and Corgan wakes up around the same time. It's really hard to fix breakfast with a baby on your boob, let me tell you what. And going places with the both of them? HA!

Case in point. Yesterday we had playgroup at the park. We were packing up to go and I turned around to get Caiden all situated in his carseat when Corgan runs off with his buddy Zach. No big deal, except when I hiked across the soccer field to collect my youngin, I noticed he had LOST HIS HEARING AIDES. I use the term "lost" very loosely. To be more accurate, he probably chunked them. Hearing aides are not cheap. And hearing aides are not covered by insurance. And hearing aides are a pain in the butt. So we looked for about forty-five minutes for those bright blue hearing aides to no avail. They are gone. I cannot even begin to explain how upset I was. How MAD I was.

Anyway, Corgan is without hearing aides, but there is more to the story. I don't have time to get into it now, but apparently a hearing aid company is doing a big promotion for kids with hearing loss and are going to provide Corgan with a FREE PAIR OF STATE OF THE ART HEARING AIDES!!!!!!!! There is going to be a big ceremony with celebrities (Nicole Kidman and Elton John were there last year) where they will present the kids with their hearing aides and then afterwards, the kids are invited to a movie premier! There will be a red carpet and everything, but the celebrities aren't going to walk down it, the kids will since it's their special night! How awesome is this!? But, the only drawback is that we'll have to wait until April 23rd to get the hearing aides, which is stinky. So we're going to try and get some loaners from his audiologist.

Well, Corgan's yelling so I'll write more later!

Proud Big Brother

Corgan is fascinated by his baby brother! He loves to hold him (scary, but he's been really good...) and kiss him and hug him all over. I think Caiden is definitely going to have to live up to the meaning of his name, "Fighter", in order to survive these first few months!!!

Sad picture.

AM I WEIRD?

Don't answer that. But this picture makes me sad. Can I still blame hormones? When I look at this picture that was taken a mere six days before Caiden was born, I get kind of weepy. I spent two plus years as Corgan's mommy and he was the center of my universe. The sun that my world revolved around. I am going to miss our special time together, just the two of us. And then I feel guilty that I can't pay that individualized attention on Caiden. I feel pulled in two different directions. Sniff sniff. Man am I weepy. I think I'll stop now, my tears are going to fry up the keyboard.

How SWEET!!!!

I was feeding Caiden this morning with Corgan sitting next to me. He loves to kiss Caiden and put his head next to Caiden's and say, "Oh... Sweet Baby." Well, today he said, "I love you, baby." My heart melted and tears sprang into my eyes. Literally sprang. I'm sure it's party hormones, but that really touched me. I know he'll probably get jealous here in a little while, but so far, so good.

Caiden went to the doctor today and he is above his birth weight already!! He weighs a whopping 7 lbs 15 oz and grew an inch in length. The doctor said he looks fantastic and is obviously eating well. My Double D's agree.

Ok, and since I've already had a kid, you think I'd learn. ALWAYS PACK AN EXTRA OUTFIT. Caiden went through THREE diapers during the hour and a half that we were there and while I was changing the last diaper, he peed all over himself, the blanket, the table, everything. He was crying, I was shrieking and Travis was cracking up. Quite the cacophony (ooooh! word of the day!). We had to wrap him up in a receiving blanket and he looked like a little yoda. And who forgot her camera? Oh, yes. That would be me. And who is ticked that she missed this wonderful Kodak moment? Right again! ME ME ME!!!! Trust me, it was cute.

My Two Sons

It is really weird to think that I have two children! Kinda boggles the mind... I was feeding Caiden earlier this evening and Corgan came up and snuggled next to me. Then he wanted to sit in my lap, too. He's been really good about not getting too jealous, and there is nothing I love more than holding both my boys. They are so precious to me!

I've been doing pretty good. I have some AWESOME friends, especially Danielle and David Bryan. They are the best! They came over and cleaned my house for me! That meant so much to me, since the house has been an enormous wreck and I have been dying to vaccuum the floor. I've been having some trouble with some of my stitches bothering me, and was ordered by the nurse to stay off my feet and REST, so Danielle took it upon herself to scrub my house top to bottom and David came along for the ride. They are the best!!!!! THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!

My Little Rockstar

Brothers.....

They look a bit alike, dontcha think?

CORGAN

CAIDEN

WE DID IT!!!!!!!!!

I'm sure many of you have read Dani's blog and saw that Corgan's new baby brother was born on Friday! We are so excited to have another adorable little boy to love and feel so blessed to have him in our family. I was so nervous on Thursday about having an induction Friday morning. But, after lots of prayers, pep talks from friends and family, and a great blessing, I knew everything was going to be ok. Regardless of whether you have a vaginal birth or a cesarean, bringing a baby into the world is a miraculous thing.

So here's the story! (What I can remember, anyway!)

We go into the hospital and I'm still having regular contractions about eight minutes apart. That's how it's been for about a week and a half with no progression. Apparently I wasn't technically "induced" since my cervix was about 70% effaced and one and a half centimeters dilated. We just needed a little pitocin to augment the labor and get things moving. Now, many of you know that Travis and I blame pitocin for our horrendous labor experience with Corgan. Corgan didn't tolerate it well at all and his heart rate kept going down during each contraction. Then stupid nurse increased the pit to 100 instead of a 10 (HUGE DIFFERENCE THERE), I had a ten minute contraction and was rushed back for the emergency c-section. So, needless to say, Travis and I were very leery of pit. But, they started me out really slow with only 2 and didn't ever have to increase! So all I needed was a little boost!

After an hour, Dr. Montanaro came in to break my water to put an intrauterine pressure device, which meant I was pretty much confined to the bed for the duration. I was really disappointed, but luckily I had my doula Barrie with me and we were able to get really creative with the bed and move around a lot. The contractions got a bit stronger, but were still tolerable. I couldn't open my eyes during a contraction, which was kind of weird, and I would just get really, really quiet. This went on for a few hours until the contractions were getting reallllllly uncomfortable. I asked for a little something to help take the edge off, and boy howdy. I was loopy! I kept falling asleep and vaguely remember Dr. Montanaro coming in and telling me I was at 6 and a half and if I wanted an epidural, I'd better get it now since the anesthesiologist was going to be busy with several c-sections. I looked at both of him (my eyes kept crossing) and told them that I was doing just great.

That's the last thing I remember before TRANSITION. I went from completely relaxed and loving life to SCREAMING and clawing at Travis and the bed. It was horrible. I was freaking out that my uterus was going to rupture, it hurt so bad. I was panicking, which let me tell you, isn't conducive for labor. My doula kept telling me to look at her and relax and I asked her if she wanted me to kick her. During each contraction I would say, "I can't do this! I can't do this! I need drugs!" Then Barrie would say, "Wait until the contraction is over before you make a decision." Again, I asked if she wanted to be kicked. I'd do it. Just dare me. Finally, I said, "GIVE ME THE EPIDURAL. NOW!" Barrie looked at Travis and said, "I don't think she's going to progress if she doesn't get this epidural." The nurse came in and said that the anesthesiologist had another patient before me. I cried.

Finally after what felt like a freaking eternity, the anesthesiologist came in to give me the blessed nectar of the gods. The nurse checked me and I was at a nine. I said, "I don't care. Give me the epidural." At least, that's what I meant. I think it was more like this, "AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! GIVE IT TO ME!!!!!!!!!!! NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I never even opened my eyes to look at the doctor. I am absolutely mortified at the way I was acting. I was completely out of control. I was like a woman possessed. Not a good feeling at all. Anyway, right after the epidural started working, I felt a really strong urge to push. I had made it to a ten! Gee, what perfect timing. There was a part of my uterus that I could still feel during contractions and I started to freak out, thinking that my uterus was going to rupture. I kept telling Dr. Montanaro, "I'm really concerned. I'm really concerned. I'm going to die." He said, "Kelly, stop it. The baby is fine, you are fine. His head is right there! This is what you wanted. So, no crying or screaming! Push!" Well, fine. Butt nugget. I pushed. And after about five contractions, he was out! I couldn't believe how fast he came! Of course, when they come that fast, certain things don't get a chance to stretch. So let's just say I won't be able to sit comfortably for a couple of weeks.

Out came Caiden, perfect little boy. He didn't scream or holler, just kind of whimpered a little bit until they put him on my chest and I held him for the first time. What an amazing experience. They cleaned him up on my chest, cleaned me up and then left us alone as a family for an hour and a half before coming to take him to the nursery and me to my room. It was such a beautiful experience! I was able to nurse him for the first time and he did great! He reminds me so much of Corgan, but looks a lot like his Daddy. He is perfect. What an amazing, awesome, wonderful, fantastic, miraculous experience! I DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!

Let me tell you what. There is no way I could have had a successful VBAC if not for the people I had with me that day. Travis was incredible! Barrie was amazing! My doctor was so supportive and the nursing staff was so sweet. I had such an awesome day. Painful, yes. But worth every minute of it. I am so blessed!

Caiden Bruce Cole
February 23, 2007
5:08 pm
7lbs 13oz
19 1/2 inches long

Big Brother Practice

I think Corgan is going to make an awesome big brother to Caiden. For one, he absolutely LOVES babies. For another, well, he has no choice. Mom and I went to Toys R Us yesterday and Corgan was pushing around a little lawn mower around the store and then he came upon the baby doll section. He fell in love with this little baby with a carrier and kept saying, "Ohhhh, baby. Careful!" It was really cute! The baby was a girl and in a pink outfit and purple carrier, and man, I have to draw the line somewhere! So, I compromised, found the ONLY boy newborn cabbage patch doll, and got it for Corgan. Well, actually Mom got it for Corgan, but told me to tell Travis that I got it. Corgan was so excited! We had to break the thing open in the car so he could hold his baby. When we got home, I told Travis that we got Corgan a baby doll and he says, "Good." I just love my husband! Some guys would FREAK out, but not my sweet hubby. He thought it was a great idea to prepare him for Caiden's immenent arrival! Anyway, Corgan loves to hold the baby, feed him and chunk him across the room. We're working on that last part. At least after he flings him head first into the linoleum, he picks him up, brushes him off and says, "Sorry Baby. Be careful!" It's a start. Kind of a scary one, but a start none the less... Anyway, here are some sweet pics of Corgan and his baby. He was so good to share his M&Ms with him. Wouldn't let me have any, but was very giving to the baby. Stinker.

Another Update...

I know you are all just on pins and needles, wondering what the heck is going on!! Let me just tell you what. The last couple of weeks of pregnancy have been full of drama! One minute I'm ready for a VBAC, next I'm scheduled for a c-section on Monday. It's been very stressful! Well, today I was having contractions pretty much every ten minutes, but I was worried since the baby wasn't moving very much and had all these visions of the cord being stepped on and was basically just freaking out so I called my doctor.

To make a long story short, he wanted to see me and do an ultrasound to see if the baby was still breech and if he was, go ahead and have a c-section since I'm in the early stages of labor. (Yup. I am in the early stages of labor. Have been since he stripped my membranes, but whatever.) Sure enough, Caiden has thrown us for a loop again and he is now HEAD DOWN!!!!! YIPPEE!!!!! Did I do any special exercises or lay on an ironing board? Nope. I just decided that if he was going to turn, he was going to turn. Worked for me!

Anyway, I was checked and am still only a one. Dr. Montanaro decided he wants to have me induced on Friday morning at the butt crack of dawn. More drama. I asked him if it was really necessary and he said it was, that I was already in the early stages of labor and have been for a while with no progression, the placenta is old and getting calcifications, and if I really, really want to have a VBAC, then we needed to get this done. Apparently he has to physically be AT the hospital the ENTIRE time that I am in labor. The WHOLE STINKING TIME. It doesn't matter that his office is right across the street, he has to be on the premises. He said he knew how much I wanted a VBAC and was going to do everything in his power to help me accomplish my goals. I love this man.

This story is still really long, so I'll summarize the next half for ya. I felt conflicted about what to do, and made it a matter of prayer. Almost instantly "LISTEN TO YOUR DOCTOR" went through my head. So, after I decided to listen to my Heavenly Father, I felt a huge weight lifted from my shoulders. Everything is going to be OK. I know it.

So, I've been having contractions and am hoping to go into labor on my own. It would figure that I would, since that would add another twist the the plot of my story. But, it really doesn't matter what happens as long as Caiden is healthy, I will have succeeded.

Pregnancy Update....

Well, I had my 39 week checkup at the doctor's today. Pretty eventful! I am now a ONE (I regressed?!) and as he was checking me, he said, "I don't feel the baby's head. I don't feel anything... Oh, wait. I think that's either a hand or a foot." Of course I was about to crap my britches, but restrained myself since I had no britches to crap in. I'm sure Dr. Montanaro appreciated my restraint. Anyway, he said he was going to have an ultrasound done to see where this kid's head is, and guess what....

Yup, that is an illustration of Caiden's position. Except he has BOTH feet in my cervix. Nice thought, huh? No wonder I'm so stinking uncomfortable. Not only does he have his freakin feet in my cervix, but his head is literally under my ribs! The doctor was going to try and get him to turn, but he couldn't get to his head!!! Sheesh. So, my hopes and dreams and aspirations of a VBAC are pretty much nil. I'm scheduled for a c-section on Monday at noon. Dr. Montanaro's going to check me prior to surgery to make sure Caiden hasn't turned, but things don't look too promising.

I know there are some options, but I really don't feel comfortable with lying upside down on an ironing board (I'm serious... someone actually suggested that) or going to a chiropractor. There just isn't any guarantee that they won't compromise the health of my baby. So, if he's meant to turn, he will. If not, looks like I'll be having another c-section. Sigh.

Photo Shoot...

Second shot at getting these pictures online! Sorry everyone! Anyway, my sister got a really cool camera and came and took pics of me and Corgan. Travis was here, but not up for a photo op. Maybe next time...

"Where the Heart Is..."

Corgan and I were playing with our backyard pet, Hopkins the Bunny

Hug with my Favorite Corgan

Kissing his Baby Brother

Grrrrrr........

I am a beast. I am a freaking psycho beast. I don't remember being like this last time I was pregnant, but I am EXTREMELY impatient with people and just about snatched a woman's head off today at the movie theater, which is HIGHLY unlike me! I'm usually pretty easy going! But pretty much everything is getting on my nerves. For example, I can't post pictures on my blog. That makes me mad. Then we get our electricity bill, which threw me into a literal panic attack. My hormones are completely whacked. Were any of you like this during the last couple of weeks, or is it just me? Do I need to up my meds or WHAT?!

Ummm, ok?

So I went to the doctor today for my 38 week checkup. I've lost a couple of pounds, which is pretty normal at this stage and he did an exam to see if I'm progressing at all. So the exam was taking a bit longer than usual and I asked him, "Are you stripping my membranes?!" He said, "Yep. That's exactly what I'm doing." It was a little weird (ok, more than a little) that he proceeded to do this without my consent. In fact, it really bothered me. I've been so relaxed with this pregnancy. I'm not watching the calendar and counting down the days to D-Day like I did with Corgan. And now he goes and tries to get labor going without even asking me first?! The good news is, if my body isn't ready to go into labor, it won't. The bad news is, I feel kind of violated. I mean, I've trusted this doctor and put complete faith in him, and I feel like I was really let down. I don't want to be a pain in the butt about it and throw a huge stink, because after all, what's done is done. But, I need to make it clear that I want to freaking KNOW what someone is going to do BEFORE they do it, not DURING. I don't think that's asking too much, do you?! Sheesh.

So, after all of this hooplah, I'm about two centimeters dialated and fifty percent effaced. I'll keep you all posted.

Sick and Tired...

Sorry I haven't blogged in a while. I've been sick with some sort of funky chest cold thingy. I'm still not a hundred percent, but I finally feel like I'm going to live. I don't think there is ANYTHING worse than getting sick while you're pregnant! You can't take anything for fear of having a child with three heads and seven toes on each foot.

We've had some exciting happenings this week! My house is slowly but surely fighting it's way out of 1984!!! My wonderful brother Michael came and textured over the retro wallpaper in the den and it looks PHENOMENAL! He did the venetian plaster technique and painted the first coat on top. He'll do the glaze either this weekend or next. Hopefully prior to Caiden's arrival, but whatever! I'm just excited to have that nasty wallpaper gone.

The Young Women offered their services on Saturday by painting Caiden's room and finishing Corgan's. What awesome girls! They really are the best. They did a great job! I'm so proud of them! Caiden's room is YELLOW. I have to put that in all caps since it's not just yellow, it's YELL-OW. As in, when you enter the room without sunglasses on it YELLS at you!!!! Why is it a color looks fantastic on the swatch and then you paint it, step back and think, "Holy crap." It's growing on me, but it'll take some time...

Due to all the noxious fumes in the house, Travis got us a hotel. Have I ever mentioned how much I HATE staying in a hotel with Corgan? He won't sleep in the crib since we're in the same room and has to sleep superglued to my side. He does this really annoying thing while he's going to sleep where he rubs my arm and pets me. Seriously. He won't let me pawn him off on Travis, no, he must pet Mommy. And ONLY Mommy. So, then I can't sleep. Very frustrating.

Anyway, tune in tomorrow for a pregnancy update!!! I know you are all on the edge of your seats with anticipation!

Pregnancy Update...

Well, I am now about 38 weeks. When I asked Dr. Montanaro last time what my due date was, he said, "Well, it's either the 18th or the 25th. Sometime around there." I love that man. Having a range is so nice and I feel so much less pressure this time around. But, I am feeling other symptoms. I've been reading the usual... "What to Expect When You're Expecting" and "The Pregnancy Book." I think it's really interesting to read about what you may be feeling physically and emotionally at different stages in your pregnancy.

"More Ambivalent": So, yeah, I'm excited to hold Caiden, sleep on my back and tummy, and have a mini vacation courtesy of Trinity Medical Center, but then I stop and think, "What the heck?! I'm gonna have TWO?" It's those moments of clarity that I decide, Caiden can be in my belly for just as long as he wants to be. But then, I think, "Oh, I can't wait to hold my baby." And so goes the cycle of ambivilance.

"Craving Solitude": I have become very antisocial. I have to force myself to put a bra on, brush my nappy hair and venture outside of my safe four walls. It's a very odd feeling for me.

"More Sensitive": Oh, dear. I am DEFINITELY more sensitive. Case in point: Last night I was sitting at the computer playing Scrabble Blast and Travis was asking my what was wrong. "Nothing." "You look really mad." "I'm fine." Now normally when a woman says, "I'm fine" she is anything but. But, actually at that moment I was fine. I was just trying to find a really long word so I could get a lot of points. I was concentrating. The facial expression is apparently easily confused with anger. I'll have to work on that.

Anyway, so he keeps pestering me. I feel as though I'm being verbally attacked and start to cry. Another thing that is not common for me. I got started and couldn't stop, so I go and lay on the bed, sobbing my little heart out (don't you feel sorry for me?). Travis and Corgan come in and Corgan gets this really concerned look on his face and says, "Uh oh! Mommy sad? It's ok Mommy." He kept wiping my tears away and giving me these really big hugs. Which of course, made me cry even harder since my son is such a sweet, sweet empathetic little boy. He kept telling me everything was going to be ok. Just like I do to him. And his little eyes welled up with tears... Sniff sniff.

"More Concerned": Not really. It's been done before.

"More Scared": Not of labor, but of having two little boys? Um, yeah.

"More Nesting Instincts": I am so over that. I'm too tired.

So, there you have it. I'm just as crazy as the next pregnant woman. Very reassuring.